All the Voices in My Head
by Oceanpaw
Summary: The Lion calls. Keith hears.


Find me.

Keith ignores it. He needs to focus on the simulation, he can't mess up, not with shiro watching.

Find me.

The voice calls out. Keith ignores it again. This time it's the middle of class. The teacher is talking and this is important. Patience yields focus.

Find me.

Keith ignores the voice, as he has every day since coming to the garrison. It's the same voice every time, distinctly female but there are no emotions held within the words. The words are blank whispers spoken in his mind. No one else can hear it. He's checked. They thought he was going crazy. Maybe he is.

Find me.

When Shiro leaves for space Keith's world feels like it's ending. Maybe it is.

Find me.

Just before Shiro leaves for the ship Keith hears it again. So quiet that he almost misses it. They talk. Keith makes a promise. Shiro does too. He promises to stay out of trouble. Shiro promises to come back.

Shiro doesn't come back.

Pilot error they say. Keith knows this is bullshit. Shiro is - was the best damn pilot the garrison has ever seen. They could have at least come up with a better lie. Find me the voice calls.

Adam believes the lies far too easily. They don't talk, Adam leaves him too, eventually, just like Shiro just like everyone else. Except Adam could come back. If he wanted to. The only thing that kept them together was Shiro and he's not here anymore. Keith tells himself it doesn't matter. It matters.

Find me.

Every morning. Every night. The voice is there, calling him. Keith stops going to class. He goes anywhere but class. He goes to the training rooms, pounding his anger into the bags. Beating his sadness into dummies, until their pathetic bodies lay around him in ribbons, sliced to bits by his fencing swords. Anything for something to do, to fill that gaping void in his chest, a loss he can't -

Find me. The voice slices through his thoughts like they were nothing. They are nothing. Keith is nothing.

Find me.

Sometimes it shows him the sand of the desert, dust and wind. Empty. Sometimes Keith feels empty too.

Keith searches. He goes to the engineers bay, studying the models of the ship that killed Shiro, looking for faults. He goes down to the labs combing through samples, poring over data and searches and searches for any clue. Something, anything. Anything to make sense of the void, this hole that gets bigger and bigger, something to do, he can't -

Find me.

Sometimes it shows him caves with drawings on them. He can never remember what they looked like afterwards. What colour they were or what they were depicting. When he wakes up. Does he wake up? Keith looks out his window and it has a perfect view of the desert. There are caves in the desert.

He ignores the summons in his head and on his door.

Find me.

Some nights it calls to him wearing Shiro's face. Those are the worst. His face filled with staticky happiness makes him feel a longing that isn't only his. He is forced to watch helplessly as Shiro tells him to do what he can never do. What he has to do. Sometimes Shiro is abruptly cut off. Sometimes he is consumed by fire. Sometimes a wall ruptures and he is launched into space. But he always has time to utter those two words. Find Me.

Find me.

Keith turns in early most nights. When being awake hurts too much. Being asleep isn't much better. Keith dreams.

Shiro and the - the others. Staticked. Gone. Pilot error. Pilot -

"Keith," Shiro says, from inside. The cockpit is gone, the desert stretching into caves and cliffs.

"Find Me."

Keith sits bolt upright, breathing hard. The cold silver of the moon shines in through the window, casting shadows on the floor from his bed, desk, shelves. Him. His. Over the desk the window offers the view of the desert again. The harsh light of the moon cuts over the ridges, chasing them into a darkness he can't make out. Cuts over him.

He lies back down, as he does every night, and tangles his fingers in the sheets. He cries himself to sleep until he doesn't. It's never helped before. Why would it now?

Find me.

Why would Shiro stay? No one else did.

Keith doesn't report for the summons. Either one. He's in the flight simulator every second it's not in use and even when it should be. He steals training flights and runs he's not authorised for. Shiro is - was - a stellar pilot; most of the simulations have his name as the top record, his flight path a ghost. Keith spends his time chasing a ghost. He wins but not in the way he wants. Not in the way he needs. The ghost doesn't tell him of any errors. It doesn't tell him were Shiro is. It doesn't let him come back.

Find me.

Keith gets called in and only goes when they drag him. He gets yelled at. He yells back.

Find me.

He curls up at night, just him and the voice, alone. He dreams.

"Keith," Shiro says. Keith turns away from the television but Shiro isn't there. His voice is on the wind, lost in an echo over cliffs and sand.

"I don't know what you want me to do," Keith tells the desert. It's not a cry. He's not desperate. He's…

Shiro doesn't answer. The desert echoes back, a whisper lost in caves, scratched on a wall.

Find Me

Keith sits bolt upright, breathing hard. The moon's thicker now, streaking in through the curtains. He pulls them aside.

Find me.

"Tomorrow," Keith starts, by way of answer. The moon lights the desert in harsh dips, curves of mystery.

Find me.

"I don't care what they do," Keith tells it. He's not going to stay here like this.

Through the glass the desert stretches, massive and calling. There are caves out there, caves with drawings. Caves with clues.

Find me.

"Yes," Keith says.

They're going to expel him.

The desert stares back at him, enormous and full of secrets.

Not if he leaves first.


End file.
